Myself and Tammy never thought "we" would ever end, and that we would go on together forever, as anything else was unthinkable. We both loved each other and needed each other more than words could ever say. Tammy was born in 1985 and 1986 I was given a life expectancy of 20 years, so I hoped that we would both go together. Fate was not to be so kind.

Aged 14 years and 9 months Tammy collapsed, just months earlier the vet had said how well she was doing for her age.
I flung myself out of my wheelchair to sit next to her on the floor. I am not sure that Tammy even knew that I was there. Two years earlier Tammy had been very unwell with an infection, and the vet said that she had only months left to live. I refused to believe it, even when she was very ill, she would still look at me and her eyes were saying "come on Mum lets play" On this day though there no was no such look, her eyes were far away. The unthinkable was happening and there was nothing I could do, except to sit by her and stroke her and tell her repeatedly how much I loved her, and I tried to pretend that it would all be OK and she would pull through like the previous times.

Tammy could not stand at all and lay helpless, and my love for her could do nothing. I tried to get her to lap water from my fingers but she didn't. Eventually we managed to syringe some water into her mouth, After that she seemed more alert, I think she may have known I was there with her (I hope so ) Tammy's usual vet was doing quarantine and could not come out, so my sister phoned another vet, and explained the situation. If my angel's life had to be ended I wanted it to happen in her home with her mum by her side. This vet refused to visit saying the condition sounded treatable with an injection, and if that did not work we would have to think again. Jackie did the best she could but she said the vet obviously just did not want to bother to come out. So we made arrangements for Tammy to be taken to hospital by the pet ambulance, and Jackie would go with her. She wasn't able to get me off the floor, as I had been passing out when trying to get up and move. So if the injection did not work and Tammy's life had to be ended my mother would come home and help me back up into my chair and take me to the hospital so I could be with Tammy when her life was ended. It was a nightmare taking place before my eyes. I worried about Tammy all the time and now all my worst fears were here in front of me, and there was nothing I could do.

"The bond with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth can ever be" Konrad Lorenz   "They are not dead who live. In the hearts they leave behind" Hugh Robert Orr

While we waited for the ambulance to come I stroked her head and down her golden ears like I had done a million times before and my tears fell silently onto her fur. I told her how much I loved her and would always love her and we would always be together, I told her that I would see her later. Jackie helped me to bend my head down so I was able to kiss the top of her head like I had always done when I was still able. Tammy barked when the ambulance man rang the doorbell - protecting me to the end. He came in and stroked her head and lifted her up into his arms and turned around to me Tammy was looking right at me and it reminded me of the very first time I saw her in my sisters arms nearly 15 years earlier. I waved my trembling fingers, and all I could say was bye bye. I believed then that I would see her later. I trembled all alone in a heap on the kitchen floor and hoped beyond hope that the vet was being truthful and it was treatable and the injection would make her better. I looked at the cold empty place where she had been laying just moments before and cried and cried with a wrenching pain pulling me inside out. The mobile phone by my side rang, I knew it would be my sister. "The vet says she has got to have the injection" I knew from the way she said it that she did not mean the injection to make her better. " To kill her ?" I asked "yes" she replied "they can't wait for you to get here" She held the phone to my Tammy's ear and Jackie said she showed some recognition when she heard my voice. "I love you Tammy I will always love you, and we will always be together" I blew her a kiss and asked Jackie to kiss her on the top of her head like I always did.

After being together for nearly 15 years my best friend, my angel, mummy's little angel fluff's life was ended without me by her loving side. Tammy was the most loving caring beautiful dog, and did not deserve an end like that. Apart from the person who loved her more than anyone else in all the world.

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